My salad dressing days


Mini-mart musings
June 9, 2010, 10:19 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I make a mercy dash to the local mini-mart for some milk and KitKat Chunkies.

As I pass the fruit’n’veg section, a solitary apple flings itself onto the floor behind me.

I look around but there is no evidence of any human being having made contact with this apple so I take a few steps back and place it back in the carton.

I saunter down the next aisle and as I turn the corner, a packet of Tilda rice belly flops onto the floor.

I am, by now, suspicious.

Again, there is no-one around.

Before I pick it up, I gaze upwards to see if there are any cameras poised on me.

‘This must be some sort of experiment. A psychological experiment. Probably some university boffin is trying to evaluate levels of altruistic behaviour latent in late night supermarket shoppers on finding a misplaced product which they themselves have not misplaced.’

I give some thought to how my actions might be viewed by this researcher. If I leave the rice on the floor, they will shrug their shoulders and later write in their peer-reviewed journal that the results were as expected: people are lazy, self-interested sods. But if I pick it up, I envisage them responding to a TV journalist, smiling and saying that they were pleasantly surprised and that they conclude that, despite what we are led to believe by the mainstream media, Joe Public does give a damn and community spirit is not (yet) dead. I see the fuzzy CCTV footage of myself, heroically rescuing the suicidal rice packet and returning it to its rightful place at the far end of the Indian food section.

This feels good.

So I pick up the rice.

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