My salad dressing days


No waterboarding necessary
January 25, 2009, 12:12 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

There is an almighty crash.

The husband and I rush upstairs to find the two suspects nursing minor injuries on the floor of the bedroom.

Neither will talk.

Thinking on our feet, we resort to police tactics and split them up, taking each to a separate interview room.

Suspect #1 confesses immediately: he wanted to know whether his twin sister was strong enough to give him a shoulder ride.

We quickly reassemble and put the story to Suspect #2 who is holding an opened packet of frozen spinach to her head.

She confirms Suspect #1’s version of events.

Both suspects are given a verbal warning and sent back to bed.

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Hail the new chief!
January 24, 2009, 11:56 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Obama



Three things I did not say to my masseuse
January 24, 2009, 11:41 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Asking me to choose from an array of five essential oils depending on my emotional state, I wondered whether she had one entitled ‘Wound up after a morning spent with squabbling four year olds’, but said ‘um, a bit stressed – how about the lavender?’

Asked whether the pressure she was applying to my tense neck and shoulders was sufficient, I wanted to say ‘No, I want to be pummelled to a pulp!’ but was concerned she’d think I had stumbled into her massage parlour expecting an entirely different kind of experience. So I said: ‘Yeah, it’s great, thanks!’

‘Nooooooooooooooooo! Whale song would be preferable to pan pipes!’