My salad dressing days

Macerate, masticate, mast…
September 26, 2007, 10:48 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

So easy to get confused. A veritable linguistic minefield.

Much more fun to invent new Cockney rhyming slang…

I’ve started offering the children ‘Simon Hoggarts’ after their evening meal.

Think it’ll catch on?

A 'Simon Hoggart'A goat's milk yoghurt


Never mind flash photography
September 25, 2007, 7:15 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Get thee to Specsavers!

“We go now to the BBC Political Editor Nick Robinson who’s standing outside the locked front door of a government department in the driving rain. Quite why I have no idea. Why he can’t just do the live one-on-one from his living room I cannot fathom. But what do I know? I read autocues for a living. (Rather a good living at that. And before you scoff at the misuse of your licence fee, understand that it’s taken me eons to work on that curled top lip.) Please be aware that Nick’s report contains A RIDICULOUS PAIR OF GLASSES WHICH DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING FOR HIM. Nick, over to you.”

How big’s your tent, Gordon?
September 25, 2007, 7:02 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

We are thinking of getting a tent. A big tent. They say Gordon Brown has a big tent. But how big precisely?

I need my tent to accommodate two grown-ups, two pre-schoolers, a couple of Tory backbenchers and a Scandinavian businessman with a dubious claim to expertise in the field of geoscience.

I guess I was thinking of a 12-berth Outwell Montana with sealed groundsheet. Yes?