My salad dressing days


What life has taught me (Part One)
March 3, 2007, 11:35 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

1. That when you find a pair of jeans that make your bum look small, thighs look thin and your muffin top non-existent, embrace them as you would a long lost relative. And buy five pairs. (Maybe six.)
2. That there is more to life than the perfect pair of jeans. (Bitter? Me?)
3. That a pussy bow can detract attention from most unsightly body parts.
4. If you’re Kate Moss (and have no unsightly body parts).
5. That you should never choose your life partner when you are mid cycle. You will only pick a George Clooney and this will only lead to subsequent misery and strife. No, you should pick your life partner when you are in the midst of a case of raging PMT. If they love you for your hormonal acne and short wick, this is a good sign of an ability to commit to a long term relationship. (Worked for me.)
6. That if you only realise a blue-lit ambulance is trying to pull past you because it is filling the whole of your rearview mirror, then you are playing your Belle and Sebastian CD too loud.
7. That no-one is going to be impressed if you try to brag about playing music in the car so loud that you cannot hear the nee-naw of an emergency services vehicle.
8. That a surprising percentage of people expect a thirty-something mother-of-two to behave more responsibly than she occasionally does.
9. That there are some sick, sick people out there. Specifically the group of students spotted using their mobile phone to photograph a dead squirrel in the gutter outside the Royal Botanic Gardens last Saturday afternoon.
10. That it’s a sad state of affairs when your sidebar is longer than the main body of your blog.

Advertisements

10 Comments so far
Leave a comment

As a lurker, this was a great first post to read – well and truly cracked me up. Cheers!

Comment by alyndabear

re #10, you’ll just have to post more often. Re #1 oh how I wish this had EVER happened to me. I don’t have a body made for jeans (child bearing hips (hahaha) and fat thighs).

Comment by Thalia

1. Doesn’t ever happen. Anyway, when are stupid, stupid, stupid low rise jeans ever going to go out of fashion as well?

10. Hmm, know what you mean … mind you, I have been “shaving” bits off my sidebar and hoping that some people haven’t noticed.

Comment by Betty

Theyre some good teachings.
Life has not taught me much. Not yet.

Comment by the boy who likes to...

Betty: This season! It’s apparently all about the high waists, now.

UC: Re #1. Where? Where did you find these?

Comment by Hannah

“the nee-naw of an emergency services vehicle” — this phrase alone made my day.

Comment by WinterWheat

I was impressed. I’m listening to Belle and Sebastian right now!

Comment by Justine

I wish I could still apply some of these lessons, but I’m too old. LOL!

Comment by Bela

Great first post to read. Hilarious 🙂 I’m at that life stage now: I married #5 a few months ago!

Comment by Saya

love it. although I have my doubts whether B&S should ever be played that loud…

Ally McBile @ OWMMS xx

Comment by Spitting Mad




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s



%d bloggers like this: