My salad dressing days

Resisting the consumerist urge
November 27, 2006, 10:50 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

It’s hard enough just walking past a closed branch of TK Maxx without fondling my credit card.

But slumped on the sofa in the centrally heated home of a friend, glass of red wine in one hand and oven-warmed finger food in the other?

Well, I turn to mush. Putty. A highly pliable material.

But before the demonstration begins, I steel myself and an internal monologue cranks up inside my (slightly tipsy) head: ‘I do not need any new kitchen equipment! I do not need any new kitchen equipment!’.


‘Now I’m going to make some savoury mini muffins. Honestly, they’re so easy. My kids love them. I’m using the mini muffin tray on page 23. Goodness! I don’t know what I did without this! And the mini scoop…’

‘I have the mini scoop!’ chimes in a fellow audience member. ‘It’s fantastic! I use it all the time!’

Is she a plant, I wonder. No matter, for I want the mini scoop. And the mini muffin tray.

‘So you see how I’m just dropping dollops of mixture into the non-stick tray here? I mean, how long did that take me? Ninety seconds? No more than that.’

Need the mini scoop. Need the mini muffin tray. (And the onion chopper. And the rubber spatula. And the mixing jug with lid. And the snap-tight multi-functional glass ramekins.)

‘OK. So while that’s baking, I’m going to show you a really easy pizza. Again, you’ll be amazed at how easy it is especially when I’m using this stone bakeware sheet. You wouldn’t believe how crisp the base turns out! And it’s not just good for pizza, it’s fantastic for biscuits too!’

Want the stone bakeware. Flick through catalogue. Can’t decide on whether to order the rectanglar or the circular one. Will get both. To be on safe side.


The evening wears on in a haze of Merlot and slightly overdone butternut squash mini muffins.

We are all flicking through our catalogues like maniacs. I have sobered up a little and been hit by a wave of steely resolve: I am buying nothing. Sweet FA. Nada.

I smirk a little, proud of my abilities to resist the consumerist urge.

‘What are you buying?’ asks my sofa-ensconced neighbour.

‘Well, probably noth…’

‘I definitely want the mini muffin tray…and scoop…and some of those pans look fantastic!’

I swallow a little.

‘They do look excellent!’ I chip in, enthusiastically.

The demonstrator comes round, like a schoolteacher checking handwriting, snatching up order forms as she glides past the smiling sea of faces.

‘Going to be placing an order?’

As she looks away, I quickly scrawl in the code for the stone bakeware (rectangular) – you know, for biscuit making – as well as a couple of ‘last minute impulse buys’.

I know. Sucker.

I mean: who am I? Nigella already?


2 Comments so far
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Those impulses are dangerous if left ignored. You should give into them little by little, otherwise they build up and you need to re-mortgage your house after some Victoria-Beckham-in-Gucci-style shopping spree.

Or so I tell myself.

Comment by Hannah

Wise woman, the stone baking tray is gorgeous. Succumbed myself and use it all the time — quiche, pizza, biscuits, — swear by it. Look worried when my not yet graceful child’s hand passes it on her way to a cutting board. Oh heck, have I become a plant or a stepford wife?

Comment by Eden

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