My salad dressing days


Thank heavens for
July 11, 2006, 10:23 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Piriton Allergy.

According to their latest advertising campaign, a godforsaken 100,000 Britons suffer from an allergy to artificial fingernails and a devastating (presumably halitosis-ridden) 226,000 Britons are allergic to ‘breath spray’.

So one can only be grateful for the existence of a “brand [that] has the power to treat more allergies” in a world where “people can develop an allergy to just about anything”. Quick, a little something in the New Year’s Honours for those allergy-battling wonks at GlaxoSmithKline!

On the other hand, I am working on my own homemade solutions to the suffering of tens of thousands of others. Let me share them with you:

To the 774,000 Britons who are allergic to sweat I say: try to remain as inactive as possible thereby preventing the production of sweat. Better than a cure, right?

And to the 412,000 Britons who are allergic to gold I say: be a cheap date! What’s wrong with plastic?

And finally, to the 181,000 Britons who are allergic to squirrel fur I say: support my campaign to eliminate these furry-tailed rodents. We should fight them in our parks, in our civic spaces, in our back gardens…

**sneezes violently**

See that? I think I’m developing an allergy to hyperbole.

Aaaaaaa-choooooooooooo!

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11 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I think I must be the only person left in the country who isn’t allergic to anything.

I feel left out…

Comment by Spinsterella

I’m only allergic to one thing, a certain type of cream on my belly. Fortunately it’s not the sort of thing that gets there by accident terribly often.

Comment by frangelita

Spin – I’m with you. I maintain that an allergy-free adulthood is directly related to whether one was allowed to play in the dirt as a child.

And it’s so refreshing to see someone say something (anything) nice about the people at GSK, rather than sending abusive letters/emails to them and their families… Thank you, UC!

Comment by Hannah

But … but hyperbole looks good on you! xoxo

Comment by mireille

Amusingly I’ve recently become allergic to Piriton.

Comment by belladona

I thought at one time I was becoming allergic to food. But it turned out I was just eating too much of it.
Back to mud pies then.

Comment by mig bardsley

I have a freind with a phobia of buttons
Beat that 🙂
Like the site
Cityslicker

Comment by City Slicker

I saw an advert for Piriton today that suggested washing your cat twice a week to help stop allergies to it.

Have these Piriton people ever owned a cat?

I have, and I wouldn’t want to be the one trying to force her into a bath of water. I’d be clawed to death.

Comment by Heather

Why not put you cat in the washing machine? If it’s the same one that’s been trying to catch my dear little sparrows then – hey! – one cat less to worry about.

*fluffs up feathers and stalks away”

Comment by motherhen

I’m really worried about all those Britons who are allergic to sweat. I read in our local antipodean paper that the temperature in the London underground on Wednesday was 47 degrees. Even sitting still, you’d just have to sweat in that heat.

Comment by realruth

How odd that Britons are allergic to sweat and simultaneously allergic to soap and water, esp on Tube? I am Brit, so allowed to say this.

Comment by DavetheF




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