My salad dressing days

You heard it here first, fashionistas!
February 16, 2006, 9:28 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

With London Fashion Week in full swing, allow me to nudge Anna Wintour off her front row seat to make a few fashion predictions of my own:

  • Designers will be flogging clothes that look good on skinny people.
  • By some strange freak of coincidence, the people they find to model the clothes on the catwalk will also be skinny. (Spooky.)
  • Having been botoxed to within an inch of their lives, the skinny people will find it hard to smile, despite being lavished with freebies from their favourite designers.
  • Within three minutes of curtain down, New Look will have churned out 10,000 replicas of those cute little shift dresses, which will retail at £7.99.
  • When the PRs say ‘an outfit perfect for a countryside jaunt’, they are lying through their orthodontically-enhanced teeth (note to Paul Smith: stilettos have a tendency to sink into mud).
  • There will be a small coterie of women named after pieces of fruit in the audience (Peaches, Plum and possibly Apple, but only if her mother can locate the cute earmuffs she wore to the Party in the Park last summer).
  • Just as you haven’t a hope in hell of finding a warm coat in H&M come early January, the focus will be on clothes you can wear next winter. (Weird.)
  • There will be a ‘daring’ (read: ‘odd’) offering from a former student of St Martin’s who aspires to Stellar style stardom (geddit?).
  • Fashion editors will use phrases like ‘pussy bow’ and manage not to snigger (unlike the rest of us).
  • The Earth will continue to revolve on its axis whilst orbiting the Sun.

OK, you can flick back to your copy of ‘Vogue’ now.

Click here for fun cartoon.


12 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Wouldn’t you love to go to one of those shows though?

Comment by Martha

I hope an occasional model falls because she cannot teeter on her sad little ankles.

I don’t want her to BREAK anything…just a small fall.

Comment by Whinger

Yes, yes! And on the rail-thin, pussy-bowed models, there will be cosmetically enhanced dark shadows under their eyes. A look all of us fashion forward fillies are already sporting. xoxo

Comment by mireille

Imp and I watched Kinky Boots the other night.
Fantastic catwalk bit. seen it?

I have a secret desire to wear clingfilm to work, just to see if I get sacked, or promoted…

Comment by funny thing

*mall coterie of women named after pieces of fruit*. Would those be fruit bats?

Comment by mig bardsley

It doesn’t matter how often people say it though, the pussy bow will still look like a dogs dinner.

Comment by Jane


Yes. They will be skinny. And secretly, we will all wish we were as skinny as they are. GAH GAH GAH GAH.

Comment by jonniker

I’m going to take this opportunity to say the flats in your picture are fantastic.

Comment by Silver J

meow, meow, meow, meow!!!!

Comment by Anonymous

pussy bow?

ouch, my lips are bleeding from biting them so hard. I try to be good on your blog, I know the family read its, but really, UC, you’re really pushing me!!!

Comment by Kyahgirl

Naomi Campbell had a mighty fall some years ago. I’m sure it happens more often than we know.

Apparently, here in London, we should all currently be wearing tweed shorts with thick tights. LOL!

Comment by Bela

As an occasional viewer of the Fashion TV channel, I note that in the Fashion Flat reality series, the stick people, their neuroses and jealousies squished together in one big bubbling pout-fest, can’t string two words together without a struggle. How empty-headed can you be and still earn a few million a year?

Comment by Dave F

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