My salad dressing days

The people in the Bexleyheath, they are speaking the foreign language
December 4, 2005, 10:16 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I am standing in the Asda and the man behind me in the queue at the cashier, he is talking (in the normal way) to the woman with the small child and asking about the Christmas presents and saying repeatedly to the small child ‘remember: BIG! tell Santa: BIG!’.

What is the meaning? I am feeling like the foreigner.

Then suddenly the man, he is yelling ‘QUEUEBUSTERS!’ and he is looking around expectantly. And the cashier, she is maintaining the nonchalant glance and zapping the groceries over the thingy-wotsit.

But the man, he keeps shouting ‘QUEUEBUSTERS!’ and tutting loudly and gesticulating at the nearby cashiers. And I am wondering if the Bill Murray lookalike is going to turn up in the ghostbusting outfit.

The man, he is even glancing at me in a bid to garner the empathy, but I am not understanding. So I am getting out the visa card and paying for the groceries and getting out of the store forthwith (and, in the haste, I am heading for the wrong door and having to retrace the steps).

As I am fleeping the car boot, I am saying: ‘It is better if I am doing the grocery shopping online in the future.’

[This post, it is the homard to The Manolo, which is the superest-fantasticest blog ever on the footwear.]


14 Comments so far
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To Fleep… A great verb. I shall make the use of it.

Comment by Hannah


You were obviously the old lady who was walking very slowly in front of me in ASDA that I mentioned in Wyndham’s comments the other day …

Did you know that recently a man fell through the ASDA car park roof onto an elevator and subsequently died there? Not being able to speak properly is the least of anyone’s worries in B’heath.

Comment by Betty

au contraire, B, au contraire

i was the woman running with a trolley (in the wrong direction)

didn’t spot any fallen debris in the par cark, though (yikes) – was too busy trying to escape the scene to avoid any further linguistic misunderstandings

Comment by Urban Chick

urgh – bad things happening in public places. This makes me think of the woman who was accidentally beheaded in the Deutsche Bank lift

Comment by GreatSheElephant

well, at least it was accidental. do please elaborate, gse…

Comment by surly girl

one of the DB buildings has a health club in the basement. When she got in the lift she had a head. The lift malfunctioned and when she arrived at the bottom she no longer did. I know no more

Comment by GreatSheElephant

um, thanks. that’s a bit sinister, actually.

Comment by surly girl

I’m going make “queuebusters” my new phrase, and in the loudest voice possible, announce it the next time I go grocery shopping.

That’s going to go over fabulously here in Washington, DC.

Comment by brian crewcial!

Oh, UC, you ought to shop in my local Co-op (known as Moscowmid, due to the overall surliness of the assistants) ‘cos here there ARE no queues. Just a thought.

“waves cheerily again at surlygirl!”

Comment by motherhen

you know what mother hen? over here, there is a legend, myth, perception that all shop assistants in the UK are surly. In fact, if you can ever get someone to assist you, you are very lucky. Is that true? Or is it all just an ugly rumour, perpetuated by disgruntled travelers?

Comment by Kyahgirl

Kyahgirl – tis true I’m afraid.

The French give service with a sneer*, and we give service with a scowl.

Those that are employed only on Saturdays seem to be the best qualified at this.

*If you’re British anyway.

Comment by Kellycat

In the defence of those who work in retail, the average British shopper is also the rudest, most aggresive species of human being in the world. It’s one of those catch 22 situations.

Particularly the British middle classes. I used to work in a bookshop (not the coalface of retail, but still), and my dreams are still haunted by posh women walking up to me every ten minutes and shouting ‘Dictionaries!’.

Some customers were nice though. I used to give them random free stuff, and sometimes not charge them at all. It was a fun time.

Comment by james henry

sg – the woman in the lift got her head closed in the doors and then the lift went down. not sure you wanted that detail but that’s where the devil is. not quite sure how you get your head stuck in a lift door. UC do you think the man thought there was a radio station promotion on or something and someone would jump out and give him £500? or was he just being ungovernably rude?

Comment by spindleshanks

Sounds like one of those “if there are more than x people in your queue and an unoccupied checkout we will put someone on it” promises. So instead of the PA system saying “all till trained staff to the checkouts” its “all Queuebusters to the checkouts”. Wonder if they have an exciting theme tune as they run through the shop?

Comment by Anonymous

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