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Interviewer: You say that, if elected, you will cut taxes saving £38bn. How exactly will you achieve that?
Politician: We will cut Red Bull. There’s a lot of Red Bull about these days. Lots of unnecessary loutish twentysomethings drinking it of a Friday and Saturday evening. We will cut back on all of them and bring about a reduction in Red Bull. My people have done some back-of-an-envelope sums and they tell me that this will save us in the region of £20bn. I think you’ll agree that’s pretty impressive!
Interviewer: Gosh. So no need to cut the NHS budget or anything?
Politician: Absolutely not. In fact, we estimate that we will make up the remaining £18bn of savings through reduced A&E admissions due to over-consumption of sickly-sweet, caffeine-loaded soft drinks mixed with vodka.
Interviewer: Ah…
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Overheard on Radio 2 yesterday:
Tory party leadership contender David Davis MP to BBC journalist Jeremy Vine: “If you want New Puritan sense of humour…!”
We want it, David! We want it! (P.S. What is it?)
Just askin’.
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Red Bull Horrible stuff !
And Diet Red Bull…I mean what’s teh point?
Comment by Aginoth November 11, 2005 @ 1:31 pmI’ve never actually had Red Bull, but I know it’s sickeningly sweet, and people mix it with vodka to pare it down. I say, drink something else!
Comment by Esther November 11, 2005 @ 2:11 pmI have to say I actually quite like the Diet version – it does what it says on the tin and it’s far less likely to induce shaking and nausea than excess coffee
Comment by GreatSheElephant November 11, 2005 @ 3:45 pmI’m pretty sure I have Red Bolly (or ChamBulls as it’s sometimes known) to blame for the marriage proposal I recklessly accepted a few years ago.
Disgusting stuff! Wipe the stain of it from our streets!
Comment by Pashmina November 11, 2005 @ 4:01 pmWe had urban myths around here for awhile that people were dying from the Red Bull/vodka mix because it was a mix of a depressant and a stimulant. While I didn’t believe the stories, I still haven’t tried it.
Comment by Whinger November 11, 2005 @ 6:56 pmThe first time I ever heard of it I was cross country skiing with my family. In came in a van with a huge can of red bull on top, and when these advertizing/promoting type people got out wearing red bull hats and trying to give this stuff away for free, we tried it. It was GROSS. I remember they kept cheerfully saying that we needed to “drink the whole can! Don’t forget, drink the whole can!” It was so bizarre.
Comment by Kate November 11, 2005 @ 6:59 pmRed Bull – OK. Before you open your next can of the stuff, think back to childhood nights spent sweating so heavily that you stuck to the duvet, with a thermometer in your mouth, and a wet flannel on your forehead (thanks Mum).
Calpol. It tastes like fizzy Calpol.
Could be worse, I suppose. Anyone remember Actifed?
Comment by Liz November 11, 2005 @ 11:00 pmHee. What IS a New Puritan sense of humor, indeed!
I had to look up what on earth “new puritan” is the first place, of course. It seems like a slightly humorless way of living to me. Admirable to a certain extent, but cranky in the same way vegan-warriors are in their attitudes.
Comment by katiedid November 12, 2005 @ 12:31 am