My salad dressing days

Fiscal management and cold beverages
November 11, 2005, 9:18 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Interviewer: You say that, if elected, you will cut taxes saving £38bn. How exactly will you achieve that?

Politician: We will cut Red Bull. There’s a lot of Red Bull about these days. Lots of unnecessary loutish twentysomethings drinking it of a Friday and Saturday evening. We will cut back on all of them and bring about a reduction in Red Bull. My people have done some back-of-an-envelope sums and they tell me that this will save us in the region of £20bn. I think you’ll agree that’s pretty impressive!

Interviewer: Gosh. So no need to cut the NHS budget or anything?

Politician: Absolutely not. In fact, we estimate that we will make up the remaining £18bn of savings through reduced A&E admissions due to over-consumption of sickly-sweet, caffeine-loaded soft drinks mixed with vodka.

Interviewer: Ah…


Overheard on Radio 2 yesterday:

Tory party leadership contender David Davis MP to BBC journalist Jeremy Vine: “If you want New Puritan sense of humour…!”

We want it, David! We want it! (P.S. What is it?)

Just askin’.


8 Comments so far
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Red Bull Horrible stuff !

And Diet Red Bull…I mean what’s teh point?

Comment by Aginoth

I’ve never actually had Red Bull, but I know it’s sickeningly sweet, and people mix it with vodka to pare it down. I say, drink something else!

Comment by Esther

I have to say I actually quite like the Diet version – it does what it says on the tin and it’s far less likely to induce shaking and nausea than excess coffee

Comment by GreatSheElephant

I’m pretty sure I have Red Bolly (or ChamBulls as it’s sometimes known) to blame for the marriage proposal I recklessly accepted a few years ago.

Disgusting stuff! Wipe the stain of it from our streets!

Comment by Pashmina

We had urban myths around here for awhile that people were dying from the Red Bull/vodka mix because it was a mix of a depressant and a stimulant. While I didn’t believe the stories, I still haven’t tried it.

Comment by Whinger

The first time I ever heard of it I was cross country skiing with my family. In came in a van with a huge can of red bull on top, and when these advertizing/promoting type people got out wearing red bull hats and trying to give this stuff away for free, we tried it. It was GROSS. I remember they kept cheerfully saying that we needed to “drink the whole can! Don’t forget, drink the whole can!” It was so bizarre.

Comment by Kate

Red Bull – OK. Before you open your next can of the stuff, think back to childhood nights spent sweating so heavily that you stuck to the duvet, with a thermometer in your mouth, and a wet flannel on your forehead (thanks Mum).

Calpol. It tastes like fizzy Calpol.

Could be worse, I suppose. Anyone remember Actifed?

Comment by Liz

Hee. What IS a New Puritan sense of humor, indeed!

I had to look up what on earth “new puritan” is the first place, of course. It seems like a slightly humorless way of living to me. Admirable to a certain extent, but cranky in the same way vegan-warriors are in their attitudes.

Comment by katiedid

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