My salad dressing days

Things have come to a pretty pass
October 26, 2005, 9:47 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

and I find myself sinking to the lowest form of uninspired blogging that is Bitching About Celebrities*.

But I couldn’t resist.

This little gem is supplied by Closer magazine (22-28 May 2004 – vintage, if you will) from the column of It Girl* Tara Palmer-Tomkinson:

‘Kate Beckinsale apparently once got so annoyed with a film director that she weed into his thermos flask. [Why do we just know TPT is going to go one better?] But I can go one better! [See. Told you so.] When I was 22, I split up with my restaurant-owner boyfriend and felt pretty angry. To get my revenge, I had 1,000 cards [She kindly includes an image of said card, with boyfriend’s face pixellated into obscurity.] printed with his phone number on, saying that he was gorgeous and liked kinky sex. I put them in every phone box in Mayfair [Unless the demographics of the area have changed beyond all recognition, I very much doubt whether anyone in Mayfair has need to use a public phone box.], then hid the keys to his helicopter [Of course.] in one of his sock drawers [He has more than one sock drawer?]. Of course, when he received hundreds of weird calls and couldn’t fly the helicopter, he was furious [Well, wouldn’t you be, ladies and gentlemen?]. But, amazingly, he now sees the funny side, and we’re still friends. [Bless his multiple pairs of cotton socks. You don’t half pick ’em, Tara!]

* although I use the term ‘celebrity’ very loosely here

More (ridiculous) news of TPT here (thanks Kellycat!).


8 Comments so far
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I hate it when my exes hide my helicopter keys. It’s so childish.

Comment by Whinger

you have to wonder which part of that she was hoping the readers of “closer” would relate to.

vacuous witch.

Comment by surly girl

I’ve got a sticker in the back of my helicopter that says My Other vehicle is a Lear Fucking Jet. God that woman is hideous.

Comment by Wyndham

If the ex was the one who convinced her she was a celebrity, then I think he got his own revenge.

Perhaps he was the one who convinced her that she’d look great in a bikini, furcoat and snorkel?

Comment by Kellycat

Heh – the woman has a sense of humour, and a good knowledge of her audience; you have to give her that. I bet the editors at Tatler wouldn’t have got the tongue-in-cheek aspect of the whole thing.

Comment by Hannah

Could I also draw your attention to this…

Comment by Kellycat

did anyone else see the bit in this w/es guardian (how very inauthentic I know), basically it reviewed the whole celebrity column phenomenon (trying saying that after a couple of chardonnays). Coleen McGlaughlin on avian influenza: (paraphrasing ?Now magazine) “Bird flu is really scary. I had flu a few weeks ago and I felt really rubbish. I’ll certainly be staying away from chickens for a while”.
So you see, celebrity columns can be worthwhile sources of information, not at all pointless and inane.

Comment by suburban bantam

SB: damn, now how did i miss that?

you’re right – we’re being overly-cynical about these hotbeds of information on public health issues

Comment by Urban Chick

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