My salad dressing days


Pros and cons of short term memory loss
October 25, 2005, 12:06 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

For:
Mr Chick goes out for the evening.
UC looks forward to an Evening of Indulgence.
Corner shop visited and trashy magazine selected on basis of free chocolate bar stuck to front.
Phone rings. Long gossipy conversation ensues.
(Excellent, if unanticipated, addition to Evening of Indulgence.)
UC flicks through TV channels.
Favourite show – contrary to TV listings – not on.
UC slumps into petulant heap on sofa.
UC mooches to and from kitchen in vain hope of finding sugar-loaded gastronomic delights.
None apparent. (Chicklets’ malted milk biscuits not adequate substitute.)
UC slumps into petulant heap on armchair and considers long distance phonecall to overseas-based chum when suddenly she spies…
TRASHY MAGAZINE WITH CHOCOLATE BAR ATTACHED.
Bonus: there are not one but TWO chocolate bars!!
UC sighs the sigh of the Thoroughly Indulged and whacks on some vintage ‘Sex and the City’.

Against:
UC carries out Monday morning (post-waking, pre-breakfast, nude) ritual weigh-in.
Horrors untold when she discovers a stone mark has been crossed.
UC vows to Do Something About It Before Christmas.
Alcohol is to be cut out and if that fails, chocolate, and then possibly a couple of major food groups.
Fridge-residing cold beers are grimaced at and basement-dwelling bottles of wine are given a severe talking to.
Tempt. Me. Not.
UC hosts evening for small gathering of womenfolk on a cold, wet and windy October night.
Vat of mulled wine is cooked up. Delicious aroma fills house.
UC offers rain-beaten guests a glass of the warm, spicy, red stuff.
Smiles and endless coo-ing all round.
Evening ends and UC realises that her driving guests only drank one glass each, so the other half litre…
Damn.
UC sighs the sigh of the Chronic Amnesiac (and vows to start all over again tomorrow).

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11 Comments so far
Leave a comment

oh lord, welcome to my world…

Comment by surly girl

ah yes, a battle I am familiar with.
For me, on Weight watchers, its been a matter of trying to adjust my eating so I don’t run out of points but can still have my whiskey as well as not give up the cream for my coffee. As the battle rages, I think I may have to cross these bridges but not yet. I’m not mentally prepared yet.
Good luck. Start over, forgive yourself, eat a carrot.

hugs,
Laura

Comment by Kyahgirl

Sigh. I hate the Diet. Hate it and its hateful ways.

Why no ice cream all the time?

Comment by Whinger

I sympathize, entirely.

The memory loss, when it comes to commitments to the self (I was supposed to stop smoking like six months ago), is a terrible affliction.

It … it … damn, what was I writing about again?

šŸ˜‰
G

Comment by G

You could sell this, you know. This article. To the chocolate bar(s)-hosting publication. It has everything: sex (well, there was you standing nude on the scale), death (killing off the chocolate bars), eternity (the potential lapse-of-memory-forever). I laughed, I cried, I wanted to take it home. Excellent work. ♥

Comment by mireille

There is probably something wrong with your scale. This is what I tell myself.

Comment by Meegan

Can I recommend the “diet holiday”? As Christmas is on the way anyway, which means that a diet this time of year would be fruitless, you might as well eat what you want. Wait until January to diet, when everybody else is in the same boat and Asda start doing the 3 for 2 offer on Slimfast.

Also, only weigh your self when you’re hormonal, because then you can tell yourself that at least nine pounds must be water retention.

Comment by Kellycat

Were you drunk last night, madam?

Comment by Wyndham

Mr T: me, drunk?

please!

ok, maybe a little squiffy…

Comment by Urban Chick

You could try my favourite trick – re-set the scales so they knock off half a stone. Does wonders for your self-image, if not for ability to fit into Favourite Jeans.

Comment by Pashmina

Meh. It’s winter. We all need the extra fat. Roll on the next Twix, I say…

Comment by Hannah




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