My salad dressing days

Disappointed in our Prime Minister
September 3, 2005, 6:13 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

A little under five years ago, I was – for a brief period of time – within stroking* distance of the Prime Minister. He’s actually quite a sharp dresser and I noted the Paul Smith suit he was sporting at our almost-meeting.

Pretending to have dropped my pen (original, eh?), I cast my eyes downwards, as I am wont to do in these situations. And let me tell you this, reader: he had horrible shoes. Yes, nasty slip-on black brogues. Bleurgh. Boy was I disappointed.

Here are a pair of shoes he donated for a charity auction:
Disappointing choice in footwear, Tone!

See what I mean? Ugly, dull and disappointing, oh so disappointing.

Now, I know that plenty of people ask themselves what it would be like to be IN his shoes and some speculate about what they would DO in his shoes. Me, I’d just like to GET him nicer shoes.

So here’s my offer, Tone: I’d like to take you shoe shopping at Bluewater on a Saturday afternoon. We can keep it brief. I feel sure your driver can zip us down the hard shoulder of the A2 to save time. Perhaps we can grab a quick cuppa in The Place To Eat (or a bowl of penne arrabiatta in Carluccio’s if you’re not too busy). Whilst we’re together, maybe I could even run a few policy ideas past you. And I promise to send you home a better shod man.

How ’bout it?

* this is not a typo – had it been in any way acceptable, I would have stroked his arm, but it wasn’t, so I didn’t


9 Comments so far
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Mr Chick here again. Reference to being in ‘stroking’ distance of the prime minister fits a disturbing patttern. Not so long ago I overheard you telling one of our (gay) friends that you had dreamt that a sweaty Tony Blair turned up at the front door after pumping iron at the local gym. He asked for a glass of water. You let him in and offered him a shower. You then lent him my clothes!

Can it really be that buried deep down in your psyche lust lurks for our leader – nasty shoes notwithstanding. Ho hum. As long as is not that brooding Heathcliffian Gordon Brown. That’d be a bit creepy.

Comment by Mr. Chick

OOh – Gordon. Melts.

UC – rumour has it that dear Tone has the sort of breath that strips leaves off trees. Did you detect any sign of that on this occasion?

Comment by GreatSheElephant

Mr. Chick is so enlightened, isn’t he? I mean, he understands the need for variety. I mean, one cannot wear the same pair of shoes day in, day out. xoxoxo

Comment by mireille

Am disturbed by this blatant lusting after members of the British Cabinet. Ugh. Next thing will be adolescent-style fantasies about twitchy little Jack Straw. Twitch, twitch.

Please just leave it – and remember that our esteemed leader has spent over £1000 on MAC foundation over the past few years. Wow – macho. That’s more than I’ve spent on face cream over the same period – including Guerlain Midnight Secret (now THAT’s worth swooning over).

Comment by the plate invigilator

I’m with Greatsheelephant – Gordon Brown mmmmm. There is something about those dark looks and rumbling Scottish accent that is just very very alluring

Comment by Jane

UC + Tony!!!

Comment by Meegan

GSE: i hadn’t heard about the halitosis thing…

otherwise, i would have tried the ‘i think you have a crumb on your chin here let me pick it off for you’ line…

Comment by Urban Chick

I used to think he was ok, Until I tuned in to the George and Tony show. Now, even if you did manage to remediate his shoe problems, I think he’d be a dead loss.
Let it go 🙂

Comment by Kyahgirl

That’s hilarious.

People ask Americans what they would do in Bush’s shoes. My US friends tell me they would first do up the laces so as not to get them caught in the pedals and take another spill off the bike.

As for what I, as a Canadian, would do in Paul Martin’s shoes? Probably I’d spend the entire time making crank calls to Stephen Harper’s office. Solely because Harpo is just so easy to piss off, and so much fun to watch when having a tantrum. 🙂

Comment by G

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