My salad dressing days

Oklahoma at its most steamy
September 30, 2005, 12:31 pm
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By far and away my favourite cover of ‘Surrey with the fringe on top’ is that by US jazz singer Rene Marie. Who would have thought that such a jaunty, twee-sounding little number could end up so slow and sultry?

From her website: ‘Rene is proof that sound is what gives meaning to words and music is what gives feeling to hearing…’

Click here to listen to sample tracks from the album ‘Vertigo’.


Ms Chick, go to the back of the class
September 29, 2005, 11:13 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

It’s my second Spanish class this evening and I haven’t done my homework.

Which is rather pathetic given that my ‘homework’ was a mini-crossword, peppered with the occasional give-us-a-clue letter containing ALL the words we learnt at the last class (seven).

**la?? (Clue: ‘A greeting’) Hmmm…

And I have decided that whenever anyone asks ‘Que tal?*’, quite regardless of how I am really feeling, I will always say ‘estupendamente’ because it is so fabulous to say (es-too-pend-a-men-tay! SIX WHOLE SYLLABLES! beat that, French!). Although I might sometimes say ‘fatal’ and roll my eyes, just for dramatic effect.

The problem with taking night classes and hanging out in your local community college is that you come across all manner of courses you wish you had taken instead. As I walked up to my classroom last week, there was a photo display on the wall of handbags made by the fashion and sewing class. Wowee!

Having not actually enrolled at the time, I came home and told Mr Chick how I was considering a last minute switch. His response:

‘So you do the sewing course and you what? Make three or four handbags? What are you going to do with that many handbags?’

Has he learnt nothing these past thirteen years?


Oh, and I think I’m already a big hit with my teacher, who asked what the Basque region was famous for. ‘Terrorists!’ I yelled. ‘Yes, that’s right, my home region is known for its nationalist movement.’

* revised following glaring linguistic error spotted by Jenny (hey! I’ve only been going for a week!) – this renders some of the llama jokes in the comments rather redundant – sorry, chaps…

Wish I was on holiday…
September 28, 2005, 11:48 am
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OK, so I’ve changed my mind about summer. Well, I did say I was horribly fickle. It’s true I am happy to be no longer sweating, but already we have the snots in this household. Bleurgh.

Post neoclassical endogenous growth theory
September 27, 2005, 9:00 am
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This week is the Labour party conference, so I thought it appropriate to give over some space on this blog to Important Economic Concepts.

In contrast to the older neoclassical growth theory, endogenous growth theory argues that policy measures can have an impact on the long-run growth rate of an economy, even if they do not change the aggregate savings rate. [Courtesy of Wilkipedia]

Well, indeed.

A close second in my Top Ten Economic Concepts is:

The Chancellor of the Exchequer.

The current incumbent is none other than the Rt Hon Gordon Brown MP.

His dark, brooding, Heathcliffian looks have helped economic concepts (such as his much-loved Prudence) reach parts of the female population that Alan Greenspan could only dream of. He is Scottish (think: thrift – who wouldn’t want a Scot twiddling with their pursestrings?) and when he mumbles his lower jaw shoots around in a gravity-defying display of mandibular acrobatics. He’s blind in one eye (the result of a teenage rugby injury – only adding to The Swoon Factor) and tall, awf’lly tall. He is an undisputed champion of the Third World (and looked very handsome in a white linen shirt on a recent visit to Africa) although, domestically speaking, I fancy he is something of a control freak and would run the nation’s public services from his front room given half the chance. Oh, and he’s tipped to take over from Tony.

However, I cannot vouch for his taste in shoes (but I’m keeping an eye out).

Cancel your MCC membership, laydeez…
September 26, 2005, 2:08 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Posted by Picasa
‘Wotcha writing, Miss?’
‘Mind your own business, Betty! I’ve a blossoming career in erotica ahead of me. Now fetch me another gin, will you?’

Can I entice you to come and join me at Women Writing on the Web?

Whether you want to find out how to upload an image onto your blog, share tips on how to get published or just ask whether shopping for shoes is a solution to blogger’s block*, we will be talking about it.

[And for those of us who share an island/continent, perhaps we could even consider handbag and shoe swaps (yes yes YES!).]

* it is if you blog about it afterwards (this is to be very much encouraged)

[Image: Antique Clip Art]

Silly subheaders: a retrospective
September 25, 2005, 9:26 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Well, as many as I can remember…(my own personal favourites are emboldened).

Nothing but tittle-tattle
Deep sea trawler of the human psyche
Titter ye might…
Yeah, like, whatever
Please call me Urb – nobody else does
Please don’t read this blog – it’s awful
Never knowingly a member of the cognoscenti
[MENSA membership application still pending]
Shoes for breakfast, shoes for lunch…
Plundering my personal life for your amusement
Urbane schtick
**Smartass Subheader Syndication Service temporarily unavailable**
Does my blog look big in this?
With shoes like this, who needs handbags?
Add 1g of sodium chloride (to taste)
Momma always says this blog’s like a box of chocolates…
Little more than the quotidian
Silliness abounds…
Ransacking my forthcoming memoirs for your benefit
Because nothing is sacred (but if it is, I always check with Mr Chick first)
If you blog it, they will run
(I’m going to) Hell in a handbag (care to join me?)
or Suburban Hick…YOU decide!
A dedicated follower of the Pied Piper
Bourbon? *hick*
Sniggers-a-plenty* (*mostly at my expense)
To blog, perchance to write something profound and insightful
A flibberty-gibbert, a will o’ the wisp, a clown…
‘Tis pity she’s a bore
You are in the presence of greatness, er, lateness
Nothing if not a nihilist
Good, clean (pre-watershed, family-friendly) fun
What’s not to love?
Fiddle dee dee. Fiddle dee dee. The fly has married the bumble bee.
Now with 50% more nonsense!
I got the laryngitis!
Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling (down)
This blog is on ice (come hither and rejoice in the Arctic blast before everything melts)
Lower your expectations to avoid disappointment
(Does what it says on the tin)
(Baedeker in sweaty palm, she sets off on her pan-continental holiday…)
The chick has come home to roost
(In which I do not talk about children or cervical smears)
A short descent into mediocrity
Unashamedly middle brow
Unashamedly shameless
Just a little bit rocknroll. A little. Not much. Well, actually, not at all.
I live in a city. I’m female. That’s it.
Now there’s a face for radio…
Hoist by her own pedestal
It’s not rocket salad
It’s lamb’s lettuce and radicchio
See if I care…
Celebrating two years of inane witterings
A blog in terminal decline
Mother, daughter, sister, blogger
It may be nonsense, but it’s high quality nonsense
Founder of the Keep Daniel Radcliffe Pre-Pubescent Campaign
Lowering the tone of the blogosphere
Mindless idiocy
Aspartame fries the brain – choose refined white sugar
Widely read in Kyrgyzstan
Founder of the Campaign To Reclassify Pastry As A Healthy Eating Option
Tenuously connected to the Last Emperor of China!
What in tarnation…?
Stay Pale For The Planet (And Feel Smug To Boot)
Bile-laced and candy-coated family fun!
Blah blah blah
Stand up for the key change – it worked for Boyzone

Advice for Mark Austin
September 25, 2005, 7:40 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Oh Mark, oh Mark,
It isn’t right
That you present the news each night.
You really should be
Hanging out
In places smote with war and drought.

You look far better
With a tan
Squatting on the back of a van,
Ducking to dodge
The mortar fire,
Wearing your camouflaged attire.

But stuck inside,
Wearing a suit?
It really just does not compute.
Hang up your tie!
Forget this racket!
And put back on your green flak jacket!

[For anyone who reads this and thinks ‘eh?’, click here.]