My salad dressing days


Time for a confession
August 10, 2005, 8:51 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

What I am about to say is likely to acquire me untold numbers of new enemies, but I can’t live the lie any more. I have to come clean.

As controversial an opinion as ever there was in our times:

I do not dig ‘Lord of the Rings’.

There. I’ve said it.

**Gasps as number of pageloads plummets**

If the truth be known, I fell into a light slumber about an hour into the first film. In some ways, this was a great relief to my fellow cinema-goers, as I had spent the previous hour asking irritating questions such as ‘is Frodo the elf guy or is Frodo the place they’re going? or is that Mordor? or is he another elf?’. [N.B. I am not ordinarily this annoying in the cinema.]

I just could not get excited by some elves with horrible hairy little feet. Oh, and the ring. The goddamn ring. So, basically, everyone wants the ring. The ring is good. The ring is bad. The ring does freaky things to Cate Blanchett (I woke up at this part – well, I do love Cate B). The wizard guy aka Ian McKellen dies, or does he? (If I had watched the second and third films, I guess I would have found out.) Yadayadayada.

Believe me, it’s been hard. I live with a diehard Tolkien fan. Mr Chick’s first (yes, we have more than one) copy of ‘Lord of the Rings’ has broken in two from over-reading. And yet, despite not being a fan myself, I lovingly tied it together with a piece of string.

Now that I have ‘come out’ as a non-fan, I feel a great sense of relief. No more wracking brains to remember the different subtitles for each film. No more (faked) groaning with awe whenever Peter Jackson is mentioned. No more pretending I want to visit New Zealand.*

Anyway, thanks for hearing my confession. I am the better for sharing it with you good people. (Oh, and toodle-oo to everyone who has now scrubbed me off their favourites list. I’ll miss ya!)

P.S. Remember that I still have to share a house with the super-duper, see-the-film-and-watch-57-related-documentaries DVD boxset.

* there are good reasons to visit NZ other than to ogle at the film locations

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18 Comments so far
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Mr. Chick here (though not for much longer at this rate). Apologies to fellow LoTR fans. Wife has no shame.

Comment by Mr. Chick

I have been tied to a theatre seat for all of them. I like shiny things so special effects somewhat kept me entertained. But I found the grimy creatures — all of them, with their dirty little hairy feet — repugnant. And don’t even get me started on that “My Preshussssssssss” character. Although I believe stem cell research may be able to help him. So, in brief, I agree with UC. I wasn’t enthralled with the 16th — or whatever — installment of StarWars, either. Or the Harry Potter thingys. I’m just not much of a fan, period. But I’m still a good person. *I can provide references* xoxoxo

Comment by mireille

Even when Aragorn does his dark and moody bit? Or when Legolas does.. well, anything, actually?!

Comment by Hannah

I also read all 3 books so often they were battered. I loved the movies too.

But hey, to each her own. I’m not the least upset by your confession. All the more Viggo Mortensen for me! πŸ™‚

Comment by Kate

I have to side with Mr. Chick on this one! I’ve read all the books numerous times (although I always skip the Tom Bombadil part) and I’ve been known to put the movies on just for the sake of background noise.

And, like Hannah observed, when Aragorn does his dark and moody bit or when Legolas does anything? Hummina hummina hummina!!!

It’s okay though UC…I still love you! I too have some controversial opinions on things so I can’t judge you for your poor taste in books and cinema! πŸ™‚

Comment by GodlessMom

Don’t worry Chick, I’m not into LoTR either in fact I really don’t get why people are so into them.

Comment by Jane

I’ve never read Tolkein’s books, but what struck me after watching the first film of the LOTR trilogy was its “gayness”. It was all “chaps together”, as if the highest virtue was male bonding. Is it me, or were they all giving each other knowing, looks?

Comment by Swifty

I’ve never had any desire to read any of those books or watch any of those movies. Is that you in the profile picture? If so, you look pretty, if I can say that without sounding like I’m coming on to you πŸ™‚

Comment by Jenny G

I’m with you, UC. I never read the books, but I’ve seen the movies. They’re entertaining enough, but exhausting. They have the linear feel of older video games* – travel along for a bit, fight, travel along for a bit, fight and learn some lessons.

Confession posts are good for soul.

*Not that I know much about video games. Most of them seem kind of stupid. What am I saying? I know nothing about video games. Just talking out of my butt.

Comment by Crabbi

If you heard a girl screaming with delight when Aragon or Legolas appeared on screen odds are that was me! I wasn’t into the movie until we got to Aragon and Legolas and then it was all I could talk about!

Comment by Atreau

I rest my case.

Comment by Hannah

Now, little UC, was that the film with all those ghastly little boys killing each other in the jungle, or am I getting mixed up with Lord of the Flies?

Comment by motherhen

Not to worry UC as I will still come back as I have a comment confession – I have never seen or read LoTR. Worse yet, I have absolutely no desire to see or read them.

Comment by KGrams

Not too worry. I LIVE in Wellington, New Zealand, the home of LOTR. I was a die hard fan of the books in my teens & I also live in a house with all the extended dvds and commentaries… but I am just so, so, so over the whole thing now. There has been mention made of watching all three of the extended dvds in one day and I honestly can imagine little I would find more tedious.

Comment by Make Tea Not War

Me too! LoTR – super overrated. Even the thought of all characters engaging in orgy leaves me cold, and that can’t be good.

I don’t fancy men with pointy ears either,

IB

Comment by SBB

motherhen

you ask whether i refer to “the film with all those ghastly little boys killing each other in the jungle”

this concerns me because you were at the self same screening and – unlike me – you did not fall asleep (or at least i don’t think you did…)

is this early-onset senility kicking in already? if so, remember that i tape-recorded the conversation in which you said: “commit me to a retirement home immediately – i must not become a burden”

πŸ˜‰

Comment by Urban Chick

Well, there’s gratitude for you. You bring up a chick from an egg, you send it to the best school you can afford, you pay for (very expensive)orthodontal treatment, you teach it to swim and drive and then – BOOM! You make one teeny tiny mistake in the name of a film and you’re knocking on the door of the old folks’ home.

Comment by motherhen

Not bad.

Comment by Mitchel Garden




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