My salad dressing days

Short term memory loss and glossy women’s magazines
July 3, 2005, 9:48 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Every few months, I’m browsing in a newsagent’s and my eye is caught by one of the glossy women’s magazines. Amazingly, the articles being trailed on the front cover appear not to be ones I have already read in the dim and not-so-distant past. It promises an interview with an actress I respect (whose airbrushed image appears on the cover too). And there is a FREE GIFT to boot: Free with this edition: a guaranteed multiple orgasm every night for the rest of your life for EVERY reader!! Woo hoo!

Well then, I must buy a copy!

So I flick through the first 80 pages. Adverts. Anti-ageing creams being advertised by models whose average age is 21. High fashion items draped over the uber-thin and uber-tall. Handbags whose purchase would require an extension on your mortgage. And sprinkled in between, an occasional variation-on-a-theme article:

  • Better sex for you/him/your next door neighbour
  • Serenity-inducing New Age therapy as subscribed to by supermodel/the Prime Minister’s wife/Z-list celebrity
  • Idiot-proof weight loss programme which sees you drop ten dress sizes in as many days
  • Story of fearfully worthy individual who has ditched flashy job for a year (just a year, mind, AND insisting that all her Clarins products were shipped out to Timbuktu) to slug it out in The Wilds on a voyage of self-discovery

Even reading the four articles takes me little more than five minutes and then I am flicking back through the pages in search of other tidbits, like a dog gnawing on a scraggy bone for those last morsels of flesh. But nope, thassit. Heck, thinking about it, I’ve read ALL of those articles before…it’s all a Big Fat Con. I will NEVER buy a glossy women’s mag again…

…until two or three months later when amnesia has well and truly set in and I’m back in the newsagent’s with a few minutes to spare.

[Mental note to self: next time do not snort all those scratch’n’sniff perfume samples in one go…]


5 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I use the trips to the dentist to remind me that glossy magazines are a waste of time except for the scratch and sniff perfume samples I agree totally they are good for that.

Comment by Jane

I know what you mean, BUT I spent a summer in London a few years ago and I bought so many magazines. Why? Because you get free stuff with every single one (we don’t have that in the U.S.)! I think I got a couple of tote bags, a T-shirt, sunglasses, CDs, and I don’t know what else. I loved it! (Okay, so I don’t actually USE all of that stuff…but it was free!)

Comment by Meegan

Magazines are like plays. There are only a handful of themes which are re-worked over and over again. I used to buy Photography magazines (that’s Photography, not “Photography” so no sniggering please) and I realised after a few months that I need never buy one again. The set I’d purchased covered everything I was ever likely to need. It’s the emptiness of our lives; that quest for we know not what; the hunch that we’re going to find it, whate’er it may be, in the next edition; or something like that…

Comment by Swifty

don: you’re bang on there…

thing is, i didn’t keep the four articles but even with my short term memory loss problem, i think i can remember what they said (blah blah blah blah blah etc.)

Comment by Urban Chick

Hell, I might buy a ladies magazine if I get some free stuff with it!

Comment by The Lazy Iguana

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