My salad dressing days


Urgent advice sought on fashion issues
June 29, 2005, 8:12 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I’m very far from being a Dedicated Follower of Fashion. More of a ‘timeless classics’ sort of a gal, me. But I need some fashion advice, nay, clarification from those in the proverbial know…

Hipster jeans
When will these be ‘out’? It strikes me they have been ‘in’ for waaaay too long. They seem ill-suited to anyone who is not borderline anorexic on account of the rather unsightly Flesh Overhang Syndrome (FOS). FOS – and I count myself amongst the millions of worldwide sufferers – manifests in a nasty protrusion of flesh over the top of the jeans. It would appear that sufferers have two choices: buy jeans in larger size, although this results in them hanging so low as to create the effect of a Builder’s Bum. Or wear deeply unfashionable jeans whose waist sits just under the bust. Hmmm.

The Gypsy look
But a few months’ old and enough already! Some of those prints are fit only for your grandmother’s summer curtain collection…

Boob tubes
Are these SERIOUSLY back ‘in’? I mean, seriously?? Now I’m all for the retro thing but it IS possible to take it too far, y’know. And as for those boob tubes with the diaphanous flowing material underneath and the thin halterneck straps: ONLY IF YOU ARE HEAVILY PREGNANT (in which case: enjoy being ‘in’ when you look and feel like a whale).

And finally…
I will never EVER understand the desire to wear a G-string. They remind me of cheese wire. And how on earth retailers can charge several quid for a few grams of material and retain a clear conscience, I shall never know. And then there’s when they combine with the low-hanging hipster jeans. Hear it from me: this is NOT, I repeat NOT, an attractive look.

Gosh, I feel old…

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17 Comments so far
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Girlfriend, I feel your pain! I am a completely fashion-challenged person and I too will never understand some of the clothes I see walking around.

Those hipster jeans? Ewww! Too many people try to wear them when they really shouldn’t!

Unfortunately I’m so clueless I usually end up wearing clothes that would look better on a grandmother. There is nothing more pitiful that GodlessMom when she is trying to be fashionable! Sigh!

Comment by GodlessMom

Thank you. I was beginning to think I was the only person in the world who found hipsters, as worn today, an aesthetic nightmare. I never thought I’d see the day when it was fashionable to wear clothing that so interrupted the natural lines of the female form. It’s tragic. I can remember a time when it was a pleasure to follow young ladies(from a discreet distance of course). Never has the phrase “victims of fashion” had more meaning”.

Comment by Swifty

Eww FOS! I wish I had my own personal stylist so I’d know how to dress!

Comment by Atreau

hipster jeans are the work of an evil person. I have a pair of jeans that can’t work out whether they are proper jeans or hipsters I don’t really have hips and everytime I run in them they start sliding down!

Comment by Jane

I see all of these items on the streets of Seattle–although the long would be limited to the U-District, lol. I do like the hipster jeans though, especially when worn with high heels. Very nice look.

Comment by Raine

I’m happy to see that I am not the only one frowning on today’s so called “fashions”. I was looking at a catalog today and they had thongs with little charms hanging on the back of them so that when you wear them with your hipster/low rise pants, the strap and charm will show. EWWWW!!!

Would somebody please make real clothes that have more than a 1/4 yard of material for the real women of the world.

Comment by KGrams

Hipster jeans: because nothing is sexier than an ass crack. I myself am cursed with an ultra-short torso, so I can wear hipster jeans because they come up to my waist. And don’t get me started on the price of thongs. At eluxury there is a thong for $55. Ridiculous!

Comment by Jenny G

an ‘ass crack’!! so THAT’S the correct terminology…see, i would be too scared to search google images for that (G string was bad enough)

Comment by Urban Chick

Yes, UC, please stay away from Google with that rear end terminology. I don’t know where to begin, I’ve learned so much today. But I think you may be finding yourself in a transition phase as you now see what’s REALLY in the mirror as opposed to superimposing a page from Vogue in your mind (which often happens in every age demog). Me, I focus on everything from the nose up. I have GREAT eyes. Best to deal with the rest of it later. xoxoxo

Comment by mireille

I have to point out that what you have pictured is a thong, not a g-string. Then I must admit that I usually wear a g-string. I mean, my underwear usually gets bunched up in my ass anyhow, and I’d rather just have a string there than a wad of cloth and elastic. Now thongs I don’t do. To wear them hurts me in a place I’d rather not mention. Is this entirely too much information?

Comment by katiedid

y’see…venture beyond the known (mini and midi briefs) and i am all too quickly out of my depth

ok, googling right now for a proper G-string…

and yes, that was entirely too much information (although i admire your honesty)

🙂

Comment by Urban Chick

I am concerned that you people have nothing better to do but then I guess I just read this… But you see I know I have nothing better to do.

Glad we got that cleared up.

Goodnight urban chick

Comment by Anonymous

P.S. Bit concerned about Don Swift and his commentary on the female form…is that like an application form for social security or medicare?

Comment by Anonymous

Please excuse me Urban Chick for using your comment space to reply to someone who fails to reveal themselves. It could be though they have chronic identity problems, and it’s a comfortable fit. I suspect though it’s someone I know, who hasn’t got the balls to reveal themselves. I would like to add, it would be nice if I understood what on earth they were trying to say so I could decide whether to be offended or not.

Comment by Swifty

don

i am fairly sure i know who anon is in which case i would tend to take their comment with a large sack of salt as

(a) they are unfamiliar with blog etiquette
(b) very sarcastic (and incomprehensible) at the best of times and
(c) were having a very bad day at work

UC

Comment by Urban Chick

Re: the G-strings – I have to say, I totally agree with you (again!).

French knickers all the way – MUCH more comfortable, and they don’t make those of us who aren’t blessed with a bottom the size of a very small thing look entirely out of proportion.

Comment by Hannah

hannah: how i rejoiced at the re-fashioning of the french knicker!! (in fact, i am wearing a pair RIGHT NOW)

keeps your bum warm too and you can’t say that for a thong or G-string

Comment by Urban Chick




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